31 December 2013

Goodbye 2013.

This year ... 2013 ... I thought was going to suck. When you get dumped within the first 3 months you assume its not going to go well. I don't know how it went. The things I lost have damn near killed me. I feel like if this month hadn't happened then it would have been one of the best years, but it did all happen. It sucks that its stopping me from focusing on the positives, but 2013 is the year I finally lost all hope and faith in humanity. Thanks to everyone who caused that! *Thumbs Up*

I always have "Revolutions" but its more things I hope to achieve that year rather than things to improve myself.

This year my resolutions were:

Get a full time job
I hadn't had a full time job in 2012 and it was very difficult not to be able to do things and afford anything fun. So I wanted to make some money this year while still trying to pursue a real job. In February I got my current job. Its been great to have some luxuries and I've really enjoyed my job and had some good opportunities through it.

Go to more gigs
I used to only go to gigs of people I really loved. The truth is though I actually really enjoy them and wanted to see more bands and experience it more. Its quite a random revolution but it was just one I wanted to do and  have. I hope to do it more in 2014 too.

Be More Charitable
This one has been my favourite and I definitely achieved it with my head shave, which is by far the best thing I have done with my year. Its been very rewarding and I hope to continue doing more charity things for 2014.

Given how awful this final month has been its been very hard to remember that this was a good year. I wish I could say that this year was ending on a happier note, but its not, but it could be much worse so I have to remember the positives.

2013 was the year:
I got dumped, then had the best summer ever being single with my best friend. Being a girl and being stupid and realising that life without a boy in tow is actually fucking fantastic. I rediscovered who I am an became comfortable being with myself and looking out for myself. 

I got my first internship, with the wonderful Hey Sailor who gave me the opportunity to work with them for a few months, it was my first little taste of a real career that I don't want to ever give up on.

 I got more blogging opportunities , met more bloggers and just in general kept powering through it even when it was tough, because I love it, and it keeps me going.

 I done some really stupid shit this year. Some of which I REALLY regret, but know what, I've never really been wild or stupid before so, it was an experience, and I've learnt lessons from it, and even though it was dumb and stupid, it was fucking hysterical.

I shaved my head ... and it was brilliant.

I want and hope more than anything that 2014 is a good year.

My revolutions for this year are:

Get healthy and happy
I've started swimming and running, to help me to get fit and increase happy endorphins. The truth is, I know this year is going to be lonely. Its getting more difficult to get my friends together now that we all have our own lives and ALL OF THEM are in serious relationships, so I need to get hobbies to entertain myself when they are not around. This is a good opportunity to try and make more friends and widen my social circle ... and get my body back to its former glory!

Learn to drive
Its been too long now, I need to do it and stop being lazy. Even as I type that I still cant be arsed.

Stay Away From Boys
I don't plan on getting a boyfriend this year, if ever. A boy in my life is the last thing I want, but knowing my bloody luck I'll meet someone and that will be that! If I meet someone I think is worth it I'm not going to ruin it out of stubbornness ... but I just want to be left alone. I have really given up on the whole thing, I don't believe in love anymore and I have lost the last bit of hope I had left. I don't think anyone can be trusted I don't think anyone gets a real Happy Ever After. I see "happy" couples all the time and one is cheating, lieing, deceiving, hurting each other, abusing each other and I hate it. I am so so so loyal and faithful to people I am with and I only ever give people a chance who I think are truly special, and guess what, those people still end up hurting me. I have my guard up, so when I eventually let people in its because I think they could be trusted not to hurt me, but I'm wrong, and the guards get stronger. So what is the point? You try your best to protect yourself and still end up hurt. I'm sick of getting hurt and my heart can't take any more, letting someone in to fuck me over and hurt me with lies and betrayal. People say that your heart will be broke until someone comes along and heals it, and all the pain was worth it ... BULLSHIT! They will come in to your life, make you feel human again and you will think "Yeah, I'm happy" then they change their mind and your back to square one, at best you might have got a good fuck out of it, if your lucky. There is no such thing as a Soulmate, true love does not exist, love barely exists and sex and lust control everything. The best you can hope for is that you will meet someone who will actually make an an actual effort not to hurt you, but lets be honest, that probably just means you will be the one who hurts them. Love is bullshit, your all welcome to it.

Get a REAL job
 Its time to man up and get my shit sorted. I need to stop being a pussy and not putting myself out there, I know I will get some knock backs but I have to keep trying.

I want to see the world around me, and now I have the confidence and a little more cash to be able to actually do it, so hopefully I can visit a few of the places on my checklist. First stop is a wee skiing trip!

Take More Photos
I feel like when I first started blogging I was so into photography and then I let everyone take my photos and got reliant on auto mode and kind of gave up. This year I'm signing up to a photography night course which will make a big difference, and even just day to day with my phone I'm going to make sure I start snapping as much as I can.
(Not pictures of every meal on Instagram, I swear!)

You come in to this world alone, and you will leave it alone, this year is all about me and making the best of myself and making myself happy. At this point if I could take a pill that would send me to sleep forever, I would. I've lost all hope in love, I've lost faith that there are enough good people in the world. I'm trying my best not to lose hope in life and I hope that I will be OK again one day, that's within my control, and I can't lose any more hope without a fight. 

My wish for 2014 is that this time next year I will be happy. That this awful period in my life will be a distant memory and that my depression will be lifted. That all my family will be well and happy, and that I will meet people this year who will help me believe in good again.



Sweet Dreams