3 January 2014

Hello 2014.

My last post of 2013 was a pretty negative one, definitely reflective of how my 2013 ended.

BUT!

I am starting 2014 as I mean to go on, on a positive and hopeful note.

I quite hate the whole "New Years" thing, but thats more to do with the whole act of everyone getting smashed and using as it as an excuse for doing stupid shit rather than celebrating it. 

I'm also quite OCD in the sense that I like that it changes into a whole new number. I very much use that as a fresh start. I know that the problems and issues are still the same, but I'm much more inclined to make a big change or effort since its a new year, like I say, its very OCD of me.

2014 is a year I am dedicating to myself, and doing things for me.

First on the hit list is beating this Depression and getting rid of this negative Bran who has replaced me. I have loads of things in mind to help me do this, and perhaps if there is anyone who needs a hand beating the "D" they can do it too. I have no idea if any of it is going to work. All I can do is try.

I have came up with these ideas simply based of loads of advice I've been given from all the people I have spoken too about it.

Step 1: Talk
I know its terrifying beyond belief, but its like anything you fear, once you face it, the problem halves. Talk to someone, don't hide it. Stop pretending everything is ok. EVERYTHING IS NOT OK ... but it will be. You just have to take that first step.

Step 2: Make Goals
Start small, make little day to day goals to help you build your confidence and take it bit by bit so it doesn't seem as scary. 

My first week after I was diagnosed went like this:

1: Brush teeth today (Such a babe ...)
2: Put clothes on today
3: Take a walk into town today
4: Change out of the jeans you've been wearing all week ...
5: Put on make up today
6: Go out with friends today
7: Go back to work today

Since that first week its been more week to week goals, like, do something different this week, go to a different place for lunch etc etc ... whatever you want to achieve, set your goal and go for it. Just take it slow and don't over push yourself. You set your goals, no pressure.

Step 5:  Surround Yourself with People
For me, distraction is my greatest weapon against depression, being distracted from my own mind helps me feel better and helps me be more appreciative. Spend time with people and you won't feel alone. Spend time with friends, family, or use it as an opportunity to make new friends, you can never have too many friends.

Step 6: Keep Busy 
When you can't be around people, make the most of your "Me" time, do things you enjoy. Get some new hobbies. For me this means exercise, I've recently started running and it has been amazing so far! Exercise helps release happy endorphins which obviously makes you feel happier, plus my body is getting more toned which is making me feel more confident. Running really clears my head too, theres nothing better than plugging in your Ipod, and running away for a wee while. I'm also going to pump more time into the blog and get practising my photography skills! So on days when I'm friendless thats things I can do for me.

Step 7: Make Plans
Once your feeling more confident you can start to look to the future, and make plans for things to do once you are feeling back to your old self again, which you will I promise. I have made a list of things I want to do this year, I have 12 so far, I figured if I had 12 it would mean I could do 1 a month so that I would have something to look forward to each month. So Far I have:

1. Paint Bike
2. Photography Course
3.Travel (Prague, Berlin, Italy, Amsterdam)
4. Fashion Week
5. Swim with the sharks
6. Edinburgh Marathon
7. Skiing
8. Sewing Course
9. Bungee Jump
10. Tattoos
11. T in the Park
12. Go Ape
13. Blackpool

the list will continue!

Step 8: Remember the Little Things
When times are dark it can be really hard to see the light and see the good in your life. You know that there is good in your life, but feeling it is a different story. So my way of remembering the good, involves Instagram. Everyday I want to take a photo of something small that makes me happy. So that whenever I'm feeling especially dark I can see the little things in life that make it good.

I'm hoping that over this year all these little steps will help me to recover from this depression. I already know that I have made progress, a month ago I couldn't see me ever getting better and all I wanted to do was sleep forever ... but now I want my life back, I want to be happy and positive and free from this.

Thats the first step.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x