If you follow my Instagram (Which you should cause I post there a lot more often!) last night you might have seen my latest selfie ... I feel really embarrassed about it. I'm not one for deleting Tweets/Grams so I just wanted to explain myself and why I posted it, and why I'm embarrassed about it!
Here is the gram in Question:
The main reason I posted this is because its been on my mind for a while, and I just got a bit fed up with myself and needed a rant! I did question putting it up for a second because I didn't want to seem like I wanted the attention. I thought I'd get a couple comments from my friends because I know what we are like and we are all total cheerleaders for each other and we comment a thousand emojis to each other, snap each other like "BITCH HOT SELFIE" and show it to all our male friends like "Look how hot so and so is" ... its just what we do and I wouldn't have it any other way.
However ... I got a couple more comments than I anticipated (Shit people actually read my captions) and that is why I felt stupid.
But then I thought ... no one is agreeing with what I'm saying, surely I'm not the only one who feels this way about Instagram? Surely I'm not the only person who sees an account and thinks; Why don't I look like that? Why is my life not that easy? WHY DO I NOT HAVE A PET PIG?
The key word here is filters, Instagram allows us to filter our images from what they are to what we want them to be and therefore we project an image of our lives that aren't real. Then when we can't replicate that in our lives we feel bad about ourselves.
I am not usually an insecure person about the way i look.
When I was growing up I was constantly told I was ugly, from girls from boys even from people who were my "friends" so when I was a kid I hated myself and the way I looked. I think the fact that I was tiny and therefore already made to feel different from everyone else only made it seem like a bigger problem in my head. Skip forward to when I was about 15 ... I started wearing make up, fake tan and hair extensions and it made me feel better about myself. (I am so Anna Farris in House Bunny right now!) I stopped feeling ugly. Don't get me wrong I didn't think I was pretty either but I wasn't as ugly as I was before ... I could deal with that. Anyway I hid behind that mask of fake eyelashes/hair/nails/everything until I was probably about 20 and then I just stopped caring. I realised that my looks were never going to change and that I should be grateful that I wasn't born with any real problems and I just accepted myself. I felt very free.
In recent months I have found myself getting more and more negative towards myself. I feel like the more and more I sit scrolling through beautiful photos of beautiful girls the worse I feel about myself. Its the the new wave of "Models cause low self esteem" but the models never affected me because they were models, they aren't real. Instagram feels more real because its real girls ... but here is the thing ... ITS NOT REAL!!
We have to remember that we only see what we are supposed to see. That amazing body on the hot blonde with 15k followers, we don't see that she works out 5 days a week 5 hours a day and DOESN'T EAT CARBS. The new Louis Vuitton bag "Just Because", we don't see the hours of "work" that her boyfriend put in to buy it for her by selling Ket to 17 year olds. That amazing selfie with fleeking eyebrows and perfect Kylie lips ... we don't see the 3 apps and filters used to make her look that good, then when you see her in Topshop you don't recognise her because guess what, she doesn't look like that in real life.
If there is anyone else out there who feels like this, please, be stronger than me and remember that it is all fake, its not important and there is no point in feeling bad because at least if you go missing everyone will recognise your selfie and you will be saved, not being filtered could save your life!